Photos from London/Kew

A draft that never posted...Written: 01/27/2013

Three weeks into my research here and I feel like I've accomplished so much, yet so little. Part of me believes that I'm not taking full advantage of my time here by being in the archives from 9-5. Due to my insomnia, most mornings I make it in between 10 and 11. And I try to work diligently until the archives close, but usually I have to call it a day once my camera battery dies or I have to wait on documents to arrive the next day.
I also took Saturday off to go into Central London. My landlord, Fios, took me around to all the major sites and tried to get me acclimated to the public transportation. I saw Big Ben, Westminster Abbey, St. Paul's Cathedral, The National Gallery (which I got to actually go into when I went back to London on Monday with Claire), Trafalgar Square, the London Eye, London Bridge, Tower Bridge, the Tower of London, the Queen's Walk, the Soho area, and then when Claire took me on Monday, I saw Picadilly. I took a lot of pictures, but I didn't really get to take my time yet. I plan on going back, whenever I can, by myself to explore a bit more. It'd be better, too, if I had more money to go into some of these places. The museums, for the most part, are free. But it costs money to go on the Eye or into St. Paul's Cathedral. And I really want to tour the Tower of London.
Overall I'm really enjoying myself and I've taken at least a thousand pictures of documents so far. How much of this is going to be useful (and how long it's going to take me to transcribe any of it) remains to be determined. This is my first real research venture, so it's taking me a while to really figure out where I should be searching and what I should hold onto and what I should let go. And now that I've been accepted into the Mid-Atlantic Conference on British Studies for March 23-24, I really have to get my butt in gear and get a paper together. I'm hoping that perhaps the information I've got on Bermuda might be a good way to get a short conference paper. And then maybe it can be turned into something of a journal article.
As beautiful as this place is and as much as I could see myself here for a long time, I think the combination of insomnia, stress, and depression has put a bit of a cloud over everything. Even with all the people I've met, it's quite lonely business being a scholar. And I certainly haven't been taking the best care of myself, I imagine. It's difficult being in a foreign place on a budget when you're trying to eat healthily and exercise. I've consumed more caffeine, I think, than is natural for any human being! Skinny lattes have become something of a meal for me; anything that can keep me going through these documents. By the time I finally get used to it here, I'll have to leave. And perhaps it would be better if I were here with loved ones and friends. In any case, this is the end of my pity party. I'm in London for God's sake! And I love it.

It's been one week...

What a whirlwind week it's been. I can't believe that 7 days ago, I stepped foot onto British soil for the first time in my entire 25 years. I wish I could say that it's already been adventure-filled, but my days seem to slip away from me. I managed to finally make my way to the archives on Tuesday to get my Reader's Ticket (which is really more of an ID card than anything) and had to wait until Thursday to actually get started with the documents. Since I had Wednesday to "kill" so-to-speak, I decided to check out the pub right down the street--Kew Gardens Inn. At first, I felt a little awkward. I ordered a Wild Wood Cider (on the promise to my husband that not only would I try as many different ciders here as I could during my 8 week stint, I'd have a few for him) and sat down in one of the "comfy" chairs. --By comfy, I mean that it sat really low and deep and was encased in leather. Take that as you will.-- Since I had no internet access (and thus no way to communicate with the only people I know) and there were relatively few people in the pub at that point, I did what I do best: tried to beat my husband's score in Temple Run. I'll say it was to no avail--especially a full pint later on a rather empty tummy.
By the time I went to order another pint, more people had milled in and I ordered an ESB (extra special bitter for any non-drinkers out there) called Junction by Sambrook Brewery. As I paid I noticed a nice, elderly gentleman eyeing me so instead of sulking back to my chair, I decided to introduce myself. I figured if I'm going to be here 8 weeks, I might as well meet someone other than my landlord and my flat mate! Turns out he's an old Irishman (from the Southern end, although I don't recall he told me precisely where) named Mickey O'Neill and something of a regular in the area. He asked me about my travel and my studies, we talked about my husband and the cider thing and when I finished my beer, he offered to buy me an Aspall Suffolk Cider to try for comparison. Between not wanting to offend, and wanting to try it anyway, I accepted and he began introducing me to some more of the locals. I met several nice people (whose names I promptly forgot in the next morning's hangover), in particular one older gentleman who works here at the archives. I've only seen him once, so far, though. I spent Wednesday recovering from my mild hangover, editing my class page, and preparing for the MarineLives forum on Geography, Trade, & Law. The rest of the day? I watched The Hills...in bed...in my pj's.
The last couple of days, though, have been spent here in the archives going through colonial records of Bermuda (CO 37/37, 37/38, and 37/39). I've found some interesting correspondences regarding illicit trade (including assistance to/trade with the Americans by Bermudians during the American Revolution), privateer lists for the island 1782/1783, and prizes captured (same year). I've had a few difficulties (such as the fact that the catalogue's record, and the new labeling don't match up yet, I forgot my memory card, and my camera battery dies faster than I'd like), but it's been going well. Other than that, my nights have been spent keeping up with my teaching responsibilities and editing my dissertation proposal (trying to get it ready to use in grant/fellowship proposals). I'm hoping to do some writing and am considering a paper (hopefully for publication...but also to include in my dissertation) dealing with Bermuda in the 18th century. We'll see how it goes. I need to make sure it hasn't already been written!
Here's hoping I can get into a better routine (like making it to the archives before 11am!) and stay productive! Maybe I'll head into London proper on Monday?

London Calling

Today marks Day 3 of my epic journey across the pond. But it's really the first day I've done anything. Traveling overseas for the first time was intimidating and exhausting. I also didn't realize what a cruel mistress Jet Lag could be. I arrived on Saturday around 6:40am GMT and ended up passing out straight away once we got back to the flat and had the "grand tour." I slept until about 5pm that night and then had trouble sleeping later, so over the course of a few hours I drank an entire bottle of wine whilst Skyping with A and my Kbug. I finally fell asleep but was somewhere between hung over and jet lagged when I awoke several hours later and ended up sleeping the day away again. I feared it would take me the full 8 weeks just to get adjusted! But when I awoke at 2 the next morning, my wonderful husband (6 hours behind me) decided to help me stay awake to kick the jet lag. I think it worked. Unfortunately for him, he ended up being late for work. (Sorry!)
I finally roused myself from the warmth of my bed around 10am and did the usual morning ritual (shower, make up, etc). After lunch, I headed out into the great beyond with no real direction or aim. My original intention was to find the National Archives to prepare myself for tomorrow's first day. I unintentionally went a very long and roundabout way, walking in various directions throughout Kew, across Kew Bridge over the River Thames. I ended up somewhere in Chiswick and turned around to head back in the general direction of "home." I took some roads through neighborhoods and walked along the Thames Walk. This took me through several more neighborhoods and was rather serene. I think doing the Thames Walk will be a weekly ritual (especially since there were several small pubs that looked intriguing). It allowed me to clear my head and was quite invigorating. After I reached what I assume was the end of the walk, I crossed another bridge of the Thames on the other side and found myself in another part of town. But much to my surprise I found signs for the National Archives and followed them. I found it easily enough and was overwhelmed by the size and beauty. Since it was closed today, I walked around the grounds a bit and found my way back to the main road I needed to get home. I took a detour towards Kew Gardens, stopping at the Station, saving the gardens for another day. I finally took the proper route back to the flat and took note of the various pubs, shops, and restaurants along the way. I have much exploring to do in the immediate neighboring area. I think walking around in the fresh air was exactly what I needed. Walking around and finding my way made me feel more confident about being here. And I either have an impeccable sense of direction that I wasn't keenly aware of, or I'm a very lucky traveler! Must have walked a good 11+km today! [I also found the Kew Retail mecca haha.]
Thanks again to the hubs who returned me to sanity and reminded me not only of how awesome I am, but of how much he loves and misses me. Knowing that I'm not alone in that makes me a little less weary. Tomorrow begins the venture into the archives. Wish me luck!

a fine line between sanity and...well...insanity.

So it appears that over the last couple of months I have failed to remember I have a blog. I could say that this tends to happen when one is extremely busy. And I suppose, in reality, I am really busy. But I come to find that no matter how much work I do, it never seems to feel like enough. And in the last few weeks in particular, I keep feeling like I'm just not doing...enough, whether that's working enough, reading enough, researching enough, keeping in touch with friends enough, making enough money, working out enough (this last one is primarily what's bothering me, followed closely by not reading enough). And I can't help but wonder if this is a personal issue that I'm grappling with, or whether graduate school drives us to constantly compare ourselves to others. This post almost seems semi-deja vu-ish...and perhaps it is. Do we ever reach a point where what we do, what we look like, what we accomplish IS good enough? Realistically I know that it has to be a personal decision; that I have to decide that yes, this is good enough. It's one thing to continuously strive to do better; but sometimes you just have to remember that no one is perfect. And no one ever will be.

And so begins year two

In reality, however, year two only marks the PhD progress. I have been in school for what is now my twentieth consecutive year. I think there must be something fundamentally wrong with me. I'm either extremely dedicated or a sadomasochist...there's a fine line in the realm of academia.


At the beginning of every new momentous event [whether it's the new year, a new school year, sometimes even just a new week or day], we all make claims that THIS one will be better. THIS is the year/week/day that things are going to turn around. We're going to be more motivated, more dedicated, more successful...and truthfully, sometimes we are [for a moment]. And then our same lack of will power finds itself steadily taking control once more, and we fall back into that same funk, finishing things at the last minute, getting less and less sleep and eating whenever is convenient [not when our bodies tell us to]. Many might call me a Negative Nancy...I prefer to think of myself as a Realistic Rita. I am one of these people. At various points through the year, month, even day I tell myself: "Self, we can do better. So why don't we?" And sometimes it works. But fret not fellow colleagues! Apparently we can now do resistance training for our "will power muscles."


http://www.npr.org/2011/09/18/140516974/resistance-training-for-your-willpower-muscles


According to the authors of the newest book about this phenomenon, Willpower: Rediscovering the Greatest Human Strength by Roy F. Baumeister and John Tierney:

"You only have a finite amount [of willpower] as you go through the day," Tierney says, "so you should be careful to conserve it and try to save it for the emergencies."

Exhausting your mental energy is a process that researchers call "ego depletion." Decision-making taps into the same energy reserves as self-control.

"You don't think of decision-making as necessarily being like resisting temptation, but it is," Tierney says. "It involves the same kind of mental energy, the same source of mental energy."

Maybe it is possible to re-work our willpower and train it. I leave that to the individual to decide. But for me, I am going to make that same ol' claim: I will make this year better. Even though I know that at some point, my willpower will falter, knowing that I at least gave myself the benefit of the doubt is a surprising self-esteem boost. And maybe that's all we really need: to know that what we're doing is worth it, and that despite the pitfalls, there are times when we can succeed.


This year is going to be full of fresh challenges. I'm assisting with the Center for Historical Research for a quarter instead of teaching, so that's a new experience. Generals Exams are looming ahead in Spring Quarter. Fellowship applications and opportunities need to be taken more seriously. The key is not to let it overwhelm me. Bring it on, year two [or twenty, whatever]! I'm ready.